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Post Info TOPIC: How to ask if someone is ok?

Runic Mook of the North (mod)

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How to ask if someone is ok?

Have you ever had this gut feeling that someone is having problems? And what did you do about it?

I have that nagging feeling about a colleague of mine, that not everything is bright and sunshine in their life. A lot of tiny little things really, nothing I can clearly pin down and I might of course be wrong. This is one of our new colleagues, so I don't know them all that well -but they are very nice and we get along well. So definitively in the  "we have lots of things in common, and we work together so perhaps we might eventually become friends" category, but not really friends.

I'd really like to simply ask them if they are ok, and offer to be someone to talk to if they want to. But how and when to ask that question? It is after all a very private matter, not something to bring up in the lunch-break. I've pondered asking them over for tea or something, but that have the potential of being very awkward for both of us. I am of course prepared to be rebuffed, whether they have problems or not, since we do not really know each other that well. But it would really bother me not to have asked if it turns out that something is really wrong. I'm at a loss how to go about it though. This isn't something you normally ask people, even people you know a lot better than I know this person.

So I'd really need some advice in this matter. I'd also be very happy to hear about it if someone have been in a similar situation.


"So what you are saying is -I shouldn't play with fire" she said at last. "Of course you should" said One-Eye gently. "But don't be surprised if the fire play back." -Joanne Harris

Mookish Deity Most High

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Something similar happened to me last year. One of my coworker looked sad all the time and I started worrying. One day, after class, I went to see her and told her that I was worried because she looked upset and that I was here if she ever needed to talk. She came to me two days later and told me what was happening.

I hope you'll find a way to let your colleague know that you're there if they need support.


''Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.'' George Carlin

Seasoned Mookster

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Since they're new, you could sort of lead in to the conversation by asking how things are going with adjusting to the new workplace and whatnot, and then mention that if they need any help with anything, you're there for them.
Let us know how it goes. <3


Annointed Queen of Mook - Founder and Editor

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Posts: 1974

Hi Irilar, did you end up asking? I don't know if it helps but I thought you could perhaps ask them if they wanted to go for a walk for a change of scene one lunch time, if the weather was kind enough, with no expectations about f you'd ask, just playing it by ear? Walking can help with talking. It is an activity suggestion that is clearly out of the ordinary, setting the scene, but also very neutral. There is lots of input around on a walk that can help relax the conversation and person, and if you do end up having a conversation that is personal to this other person it's happened in a neutral space that doesn't feel attached to the work environment so might make things easier. Not knowing your locale I don't know if a lunchtime walk might be appropriate?


Hello from Mookychick's founder. @mookychick. Mookbook. Stuff. Writes things.

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