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Post Info TOPIC: What to do for someone with lung cancer ?


Runic Mook of the North (mod)

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What to do for someone with lung cancer ?


So my mum called the other day. Usually she is always cheerful, no matter what, but this time it was obvious that something was really bothering her. We all thought that my stepfather, Terje, had developed allergy (he used to have it as a child and their farm is crammed with animals, so it was assumed that the allergy had come back. But their doctor is pretty through and sent him to do some more tests just in case, and it turns out that it isn't allergy. It's lung cancer.

My mum says that they discovered it on an early stage, that the doctors says that it isn't the most severe type and that Terje himself is keeping up a positive attitude. But I am so sad and worried sick. Reading a bit about lung cancer, it seems that the survival rate isn't really that good.

He's only 57, I had expected to have my parents around for several years still. Maybe I'm taking the sorrows too early, but I'm so sick of the people I love being severely ill and/or dying. There has been a few the last years and it feels that my family is shrinking down to almost nothing.

Furthermore, no matter how things turn out having lung cancer is a far from a pleasant experience. I wrote him a letter (my mum says he is generally tired and sleeps alot, so a phonecall is not so suitable) and will continue to do so every week i think until I can go home for Christmas. And I'm knitting good thick mittens because his hands gets cold.

 Just the thought that his hands are cold is messing me up. I was always so fascinated by his hands when i was little, big scarred workers hands that was always tanned all year through. And it never stopped baffling me how those thick strong fingers could so deftly play guitar and make music. And they were always WARM. I so often had cold freezing fingers when i was a kid, warm hands were so nice.

I guess I'm writing this because I need to vent. I vent to husband and friends too, but I notice that my need to vent is humongous right now. Also, i was wondering if anyone have any idea what i can do for Terje? What does a person with lung cancer need? What is helping? I find it is hard for me to feel so powerless to do anything. I also try to think of something to do for my mum, since it is obvious that she have some hard times ahead of her.

I really want to go home and be with them, but I can't stay that long and they rather want me to come home closer to Christmas.



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Mookish Deity Most High

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I'm so sorry to hear that your family is going through this.

I think, although I don't know from personal experience, that the best thing is just to be supportive. I'm sure he'll appreciate the mittens and just knowing people are supporting him will help.

*huuuuuuge hugs* and as always, that's what we're here for...vent all you need to.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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I'm sorry to hear this too. You can just be there for your mum and your stepdad and give them both a shoulder to cry on. But give them normality too, so they're not always reminded of what's happening.
If it makes you feel any better, my Gran had lung cancer that was also found in an early stage, and it was removed no problem. She's as right as rain now.
*Hugs to you and your family*

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Honoured Mook

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I am truely, truely sorry. I think you should try and be supportive and help him stay as positive as he can. I think writing the letters and making things is a lovely thing that he will really appreciate.
*Lots of hugs*

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High Mookish Shaman

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I am so sorry to hear this Irilar. I think you already seem to be doing the best you can, the making mittens is SO thoughtful and your consideration of writing him letters so you don't exhaust him with your phonecalls is wonderful. Keep doing the little things like this because I think they'll find it really supportive.

Also, I can't imagine how difficult it is, but try to stay positive. My boyfriend's granddad is nearly 90 and they caught his throat cancer pretty early on. After surviving his operation and undergoing radio therapy, he's fine now so there is always hope.

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International Mook of Mystery (mod)

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That's terrible.
Aside from all the great things you are doing for him, calling your Mum often for a chat would be good as you're right, she will be having a tough time too.

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Seasoned Mookster

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I agree with a lot of what has been said. Be there for support, but also make sure to act normal. When you do go home, don't treat your stepfather any differently than normal. He needs to know that what's going on with him doesn't change who he is or what people think of him. He is still, and always will be, Terje.

Just so you're aware of it, your parents may not share too much information with you. They will tell you what you need to hear. But, often times, parents feel like sharing sorrow or pain with their kids is a burden.

I'm very very sorry that this is happening to you and your family. Illness and death is not pretty and can be even more devastating when it occurs frequently. There is no right way to deal with either and I'm sure you'll make due as best as you can. I'm sure I speak for a lot of the others when I say you are welcome to come on and vent or speak your mind whenever you need to.

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Runic Mook of the North (mod)

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Thank you all for your support. Just what I needed. I feel a bit better now.And thanks for the advice about acting normal, I think I was on my way into panic-mode and that would of course not be helpful at all. Better to let off my fear and frustration with Husband and friends so I can just be supportive for my parents. I love you mooks!



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Mookish Deity Most High

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I think what you're doing already shows real thoughtfulness and consideration. Support them to best if your ability, but don't forget to let yourself be supported.
We love you Irilar, and I so hope everything turns out OK.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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Oh, Irilar, that's terrible. *hugs*

I think that the best you can do for someone with cancer are lovely little things like the letter and the mittens you're knitting. Showing your stepfather that he's in your thoughts will help him stay optimistic and that's what matters most. If you're visiting your parents anytime soon, maybe you could bring some yummy homemade food as your stepfather probably has to eat as healthily as possible.

Besides, a cancer diagnose is far from being a definite death sentence. My grandmother's friend had lung cancer twice. It was discovered early and removed, she's a perfectly healthy old lady now. I believe that, with your love and support, your stepfather will be okay. *more hugs*



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Runic Mook of the North (mod)

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So, I've moved home to Norway and gotten a job here to help my parents out. I notice that I'm helping them and that makes me feel good.

But the cancer have spread to the skeleton and pretty much everywhere, right now he is so ill that he can't live at home any more, he's at the local retirement home.
Everyone tries to be cheerful, and I'm generally very busy. Being busy helps me cope. But Terje told me on Friday that the doctors said that it's not very likely that he will ever become well again -it's just a question of perhaps getting better and how long he can manage to live with this awful sickness devouring his body.

I can't help it, I feel sorry for myself. And even though I think I manage quite well to positive and happy despite everything, I notice it takes very little to throw me off into moments where I feel quite down.

I guess I'm mostly fishing for sympathy here. Anyone have a hug to spare?

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High Mookish Shaman

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I have a thousand hugs to spare sweetie. *hug, hug, hug, hug, hug*

I have no way of understanding what you're going through, and I have no way of even beginning to try and make sense out of the madness. But I am sorry, and we are all here for you.
You are completely allowed to feel sorry for yourself, you're an amazing woman and how you've been helping and working is an amazing show of character. You've been doing really well, and I just wanted to say that.

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High Mookish Shaman

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*big hugs*

This is really terrible, I wish you strength and comfort.

My grandfather recovered from lung cancer, but it was never as progressed as this case, give him all the love and respect he deserves.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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This is such a shock, I thought they said he's going to get better... :(
*MOST ASTONISHINGLY BIG HUGS*

I can't write anything really helpful here, people I've known that had cancer were never really close to me. You're showing lots of strength just by being there for your stepfather and helping him in every way you can. You don't have to feel happy all the time, it's perfectly natural that you feel sorry for yourself, and there's really nothing wrong with it.

If you ever need a chat or some nonsensical ramblings to distract you, PM me and I'll do my best to cheer you up, be it by trying to sing Norwegian songs and recording myself or writing you silly snail mail letters. (:

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Runic Mook of the North (mod)

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Thank you all.


Yes, they said he was getting better before Christmas. But then it turned out he has just become very ill instead :(


And snail mail is very welcome! I've started skiing to the mailbox, and waiting for letters cheers me up tremendously.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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All I can do is offer my deepest sympathies to you hun, and a big massive squeezy cuddle *squidge*

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Mookish Deity Most High

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^ Oooh! Can I use the address you sent for the Mookmix swap and send you a letter? :D

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Mookish Deity Most High

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Irilar you are immensly strong and wonderful. I've never been in your situation so all I can offer is tremendous ammounts of hugs and to send mooky love in your general direction. X

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Mookish Deity Most High

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More and more hugs! xxxx

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Mookish Deity Most High

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Lots of hugs to you, Irilar. I really hope everything's okay, and if you ever want a chat I'm here. x

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Mookface (mod)

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Oh darling *hugs* Lots of love and light to you, him and everyone who loves him and needs strength at this time! I will light some candles and send you good vibes xx

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Booky Mooky (mod)

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*MILLIONS OF SUPER WARM TOASTY MOOKTASTIC HUGS*

Terje is bloody lucky to have a stepdaughter as strong as you, love.
xxx

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Honoured Mook

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*masses of hugs*

My grandad died of cancer last month, it is very hard to go through. I am sorry this is happening to your and your family. Stay strong and brave.


-- Edited by ladyjulianne on Sunday 21st of February 2010 10:38:06 PM

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International Mook of Mystery (mod)

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I suppose it is not very nice for him to be at the retirement place instead of at home, either :(
You're doing well, lovely.

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Runic Mook of the North (mod)

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My stepfather died early yesterday morning. He had no pains and he just stopped breathing while my mother held his hand. She spent the last two days there with him, and my sister and me were there the day before he died. He had clear moments between naps and we could tell him that we loved him and that we treasured the time we have had with him, what we have learned from him and all the help we have received. That he would not be forgotten, because we would carry with us a piece of him.

All in all, though I'm terribly sad and feeling a bit lost -he was only 57, I had expected to have all my parents for a bit longer than that, if it is your destiny to leave this world I think that there are many worse ways to go.

I have my family, some good friends and Ouroboros is coming tomorrow, so I will be okai. But I will probably not have much time for being here on mookychick in the next few weeks. I promise I will come back again as soon as I am able.

I love you guys, don't any of you disappear from the boards while I'm away, you hear! smile


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Mookish Deity Most High

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Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry :( All the best and as many hugs as possible to you and your family. Much much love xxx

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Professor Mook (mod)

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Irilar, my thoughts are with you. I am so sorry. I am also glad that he went peacefully though. What a sad thing for your family to go through. I hope that your Mother is okay too. I wish I could say something more meaningful. Xxx

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Mookish Deity Most High

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Oh Irilar, you poor thing! *hugs*
I am so verysorry. ): My thoughts are with you and your family, I hope you are all okay. At least it's of some comfort to know that he went peacefully and that there wasn't any more pain. Love, love, love, I hope the next few weeks won't be too stressful for you. xxx

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Mookface (mod)

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My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope everyone will be alright, much love and peace x

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High Mookish Shaman

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Irilar, I am so sorry for your loss! You are incredibly strong though and I admire the way you were there for your stepdad and the whole family through that time. I keep you in my thoughts and hope you and your family cope well. Lots of hugs xxxxx

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