Mookychick Messageboard  
Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Chatbox
Please log in to join the chat!
Post Info TOPIC: today's story of street harassment...standing up to a stranger.


Regular Crew

Status: Offline
Posts: 38
Date:
today's story of street harassment...standing up to a stranger.


Hello everyone.I haven't been active in here for some time...but i feel like this is the place,and the people,to share what happened to me today.

It started out as a fine day.I went to my music school to practise a bit before my next lesson at uni.As i waited to cross the street, i hear wolf-whistling sounds and raise my head to see a man on a motorbike blowing kisses at me with a stupid smile...well.it's not like it hasn't happened to me before right? Yet my reaction this time was different. For the first time,instead of pretending not to hear and walk away, i did what i had always wanted to but never dared: I flipped him the finger.Gloriously up high in the air,so he could see.

He had already wheezed past me in the traffic,but for a second he turned his head to me and i saw the mixture of confusion and anger rise up in his face. After a bit i  managed to cross the street and get into the building of my music school...yet as i closed the door behind me,i heard angry ''PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS''-ing at me.From the corner of my eye,i see him marching,on his feet now,towards me.

''For heaven's sake'' i think... i simply ignored him and went to greet the lobby lady and get the keys to the practice room.As i pass by the glass door again, he has started to walk away..but still stares viciously through the glass, and returns right infront of the door,staring angrily and mouthing curses when he notices me looking.

Meanwhile,lobby lady comes to me and asks if there is something the matter. ''Nothing,there's just a creepy guy outside..'' i reply quietly.She looks around. ''Ah,that's not a creepy guy,that's the delivery boy from the fastfood place down the corner!''

Great.Just perfect.  He will not leave his post outside the building...she walks over and hesitantly opens the door.What i get is a stare full of rage and a speech full of indignation ''SERIOUSLY?ARE YOU KIDDING ME??FLIPPIN' FINGERS??CAUSE I BLOWED YOU KISSES?WHAT KIND OF BEHAVIOUR IS THAT,ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY??''

Excuse me, i reply.'' Do you even know me??do i know you??Are we even remotely acquainted?NO,then why is it so hard to understand that what you did what downright harassment??''  He hears,but still is raging on.Lobby lady decides that's enough and closes the door..i turn my back decidedly and go upstairs. On the first floor another woman pokes her head out and asks what's all the rumble about...Lobby lady replies chirping ''Ah nothing,he was blowing her kisses, and she...well (adding a bit of drama to her voice) she reacted like  a woman!'' their conversation ended there with what i assume what a bit of a mutual eyeroll and both went back to their respective business. Meanwhile i locked my self in the practise room ,trembling, all thought of happy music playing out of me head now.After not managing to reach my boyfriend on the phone to talk a bit,i proceeded to bawling my eyes out silently. I did practise my music eventually,it was a good relief. But my mind was full of muddled thoughts i am still trying to put into order,thoughts about myself and people and society,thinking and thinking and wondering what has gone wrong here.

I will manage to put them in an order before i post them here.Meanwhile id like to hear your input on this.



__________________
You know I am a sexy penguin...a sexy rockin' penguin


Mookish Deity Most High

Status: Offline
Posts: 1556
Date:

UndeadKitty wrote:

...Great.Just perfect.  He will not leave his post outside the building...she walks over and hesitantly opens the door.What i get is a stare full of rage and a speech full of indignation ''SERIOUSLY?ARE YOU KIDDING ME??FLIPPIN' FINGERS??CAUSE I BLOWED YOU KISSES?WHAT KIND OF BEHAVIOUR IS THAT,ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY??''

Excuse me, i reply.'' Do you even know me??do i know you??Are we even remotely acquainted?NO,then why is it so hard to understand that what you did what downright harassment??''  He hears,but still is raging on.Lobby lady decides that's enough and closes the door..i turn my back decidedly and go upstairs. On the first floor another woman pokes her head out and asks what's all the rumble about...Lobby lady replies chirping ''Ah nothing,he was blowing her kisses, and she...well (adding a bit of drama to her voice) she reacted like  a woman!'' their conversation ended there with what i assume what a bit of a mutual eyeroll and both went back to their respective business.

 

Your reply to him was excellent. The fact is that you don't know who the hell this guy is, and there was no need for him to blow you kisses or anything like that. That followed up by him pretty much following you into the building where your practice is on is incredibly intimidating, whether he's the delivery guy or not. The lobby lady acted like a twit as well. You've every fucking right to assert yourself with strange men who blow kisses at you, and if that means flipping them off, then so be it. I would have done the same! 



__________________

"You're a tough cookie, but all cookies are crumbly sometimes, that however, makes them no less of a cookie, and they're just as good as any other cookie." ~Indiana Jones

 

 

 



Regular Crew

Status: Offline
Posts: 38
Date:

The sad thing is that he felt genuinely insulted because i flipped him,enough to make him leave his post at the food store and come over at the school to make a fuss about.That whistling at me was a cute little thing,that my flipping him off was rude and uncalled for.That i am a rude cold bitch.
Which brings me to my thoughts...

When i was crying upstairs,at first i panicked.What if he comes in looking for me?The food store is right next door,i pass by there on my way to music school very often.What if he's there when i leave,and throws a fit at me again,or mocks me with more air-kisses? what if he recites the incident to his friends and colleagues?will they laugh and say,true,what a fucking crazy bitch! or will some of the female colleagues laugh too but secretly shake their heads in doubt about this?
His raging and demanding to know as to why i had flipped him like that,brought another thought.why had HE started it with the whistling and air-kissing??
was it my looks?but i was so plainly dressed!plain black jeans,tshirt,scarf.plain hair,plain makeup.only fancy thing on my was my pleated ribbon choker with spikes,i made that one,i was so proud when i sewed it...maybe that was it??that made me stand out appearance-wise and invited him to show his ''appreciation''??i am not even that attractive for god's sake!

i realise that all those panicky thoughts listed above are poisonous,not just to me,but to everyone who gets in such situation because it's the first things that comes to their head,i believe.It fills us up with fear,and terror,,and more fear.That we are unsafe,,and it's our fault.The way he reacted made me feel guilty for a few moments.That i was wrong,i had overreacted,why can't i take some lighthearted flirting,i was such a cold bitch!it is a mind trap that makes you curl into yourself even more,and feel scared,and doubt every move and choice you make in public.

what i find even sadder,is that when posting on facebook about how street cat calling is rude and harassing,boys replied as such (and i quote)
''if the world is filled with sluts strutting eveyrthing but their vj's out for everyone to see,what do you expect?seriously,now this thing annoys you?you sound like too much of a feminist to me....''

__________________
You know I am a sexy penguin...a sexy rockin' penguin


Honoured Mook

Status: Offline
Posts: 133
Date:

He sounds like a properly creepy intimidating tosspot. Good for you for standing up to him and I'm really sorry you didn't get any support and that it happened in the first place. I know what you mean about the facebook comments and how ignorant people can be, but what I am learning lately is that when I comment on things like this on facebook, people might come back with a load of bollocks about it, but other people, who aren't brave enough yet to speak up, will "like" what I'm saying. It's worthwhile to speak up when you can, because it helps make it easier for others to feel brave enough to speak up too. It helps people realise they're not alone and there's some solidarity out there. You were brave, I think you did great and it is NOT your fault.

__________________


Mookish Deity Most High

Status: Offline
Posts: 2623
Date:

If he keeps bothering you you can rightfully report him to the police- this is despicable behaviour, you did nothing wrong and in fact gave a very controlled response considering how invasive he was being! Very sorry to hear this, it's disgusting!

__________________

"I'm a time lord and I can like travel all around space and through time and shit" he replied kindly.

 



Mookish Deity Most High

Status: Offline
Posts: 1681
Date:

Way to overreact guy, he has some serious anger issues! That lobby lady ought to be ashamed of herself as well for trivializing the situation, clearly you didn't want him anywhere near you. It's sad that some people still feel that women shouldn't be assertive when dealing with a problem but you handled yourself very well. As Rach. said, report him if he harasses you again. 



__________________

Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised. ~Star Trek: Voyager

 



Mookish Deity Most High

Status: Offline
Posts: 1849
Date:

Wow what a shithead. Man, I love flipping off creepy men, I like seeing their faces drop when they dont get what they expected and I love the confrontation (if it's in public and I dont feel in danger). I've had a couple of heated exchanges but never had someone follow me like that after confronting their behaviour. I hope youre not too shaken. I really hope you can also stay as strong as you were while you came up face to face with him (seriously you were very articulate) and not let it affect you, like changing your route to avoid where he might be and stuff, but also I totally understand if you feel safer doing things like that. You shouldnt be objectified or intimidated like that. The lobby lady was being a shit as well. I dont know if you'd feel up to it but I reckon you should have a little word with her and be like "sexual harassment is disgusting and upsetting, I had every right to react negatively. I would hope for some solidarity and understanding from a fellow woman next time."

__________________


Seasoned Mookster

Status: Offline
Posts: 76
Date:

what a bastard! god...i literally can't stand that kind of thing, it literally gets me fuming and i give them the worst dirty look i can muster. well done you though for having the confidence to speak up, wish i did!

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.

Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us