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Post Info TOPIC: My Big Fat Fetish


Mookish Deity Most High

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My Big Fat Fetish


Anyone else watching this on Channel 4?  It's about women who actively gain weight, are overweight and are BBW (big, beautiful women) fetish models.

There is one woman who is totally dependant on her son for her care because she's so big.  I think, if you want to be overweight for whatever reason then great but if you're impacting someone else's life then that's not cool!



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Mookish Deity Most High

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^ I agree. If you want to do that kind of thing and it makes you happy then so be it, but it really isn't cool impacting so largely on somebody's life like that. I read something about BBW fetish models in a trashy women's magazine once and apparently this one woman had an arse so wide it was actually taller than her! Though she didn't decide to put on weight to get into that modelling; she got into it as a positive way to deal with her weight gain.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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It just seems insane to me that someone would want someone to gain so much weight they are morbidly obese. I know a fetish is a fetish but there's liking a fatter woman and there's just...taking that to the extreme!

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Mookish Deity Most High

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I don't think there's anything wrong with it, a fetish is a fetish. It's not my personal fetish, but neither are most things! A friend of mine is trying to gain weight for the same reasons and she's gorgeous, happy and healthy. I do think there's a line though, like you said, Spikey. If it's affecting your life that dramatically and the lives of people around you, I think it's a bit selfish and you've taken it too far.

I've been wondering what's on channel 4 because everyone is disgusted by it on my girlfriend's Facebook, I only found out a second before checking this thread. I thought it was something really awful the way everyone has been acting!

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Mookish Deity Most High

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Are the health complications and risks really worth huge weight gain solely for fetish purposes?



-- Edited by weetabexx on Tuesday 22nd of May 2012 10:31:07 PM

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Mookish Deity Most High

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Fair enough, a fetish is a fetish but very few people would be comfortable with a fetish involving electrocution at high enough levels it would almost certainly kill or something else along those lines. If it damages your health severely, as extremes of this do, then what could be sexy about that?

The woman who is dependant on her son really needs to take a look at his life and think if it's worth it for him. Clearly it works for her and if she's happy then fine, but he can't be. I might be tight for saying this but if you're living a fetish lifestyle to such an extreme that you need a full time carer you ought to hire one and not impact your family in such a big way.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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It's not her fetish though, it's the men who have the fetish and pay for her to squash them and she "just likes to make them happy" but then at the end she said if she could do it all again she wouldn't get that big. What I'm wondering then is why she doesn't alter her lifestyle then and try to get a little less heavy.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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Also, what if the boyfriends\husbands of these women are only with them because they're fat and willing to pander to their fantasies by getting bigger and don't actually love them for who they are? In the long run is that really a healthy or happy relationship to be in?

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Mookish Deity Most High

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Angels+Eyeliner wrote:

Fair enough, a fetish is a fetish but very few people would be comfortable with a fetish involving electrocution at high enough levels it would almost certainly kill or something else along those lines. If it damages your health severely, as extremes of this do, then what could be sexy about that?


 well, we've just had the 'spy in the bag case' illustrating that there are people who get their kicks from flirting with death be it via auto erotic asphyxia or bdsm breath play, there's also a lot of peole out there who engage in blood play without prior health checks (dangerous) and despite the prevelance of hiv, a lot of gay men still go 'bareback' (dangerous, and stupid)

i kinda have mixed feelings about this doc.

'renee and matt' seem to have a relativley healthy relationship, as do 'kit and wes', 'feeders' and 'gainers' might not be my thing, but i'm not going to condem anybody who's into it on a safe and consensual level, and despite how you may feel about their force feeding session filmed by zeke, it's consensual and it's their shared sexuality. so i don't have a problem.

zeke (webmaster/photographer) i quite like, he has enormous respect for the women he's filming like renee and kit, and i liked that when he was asked about what makes a good bbw model was 'the eyes, it's all in the eyes, then the bum, then the tits'. i liked the fact that he loved that both renee and kit were very happy, big ladies loving their goddess power and feeling sexy, empowered and loved and supported by their partners.

this is in stark contrast to 'goddess patti' and her son richard... richard has fallen into the role of carer and photographer by default as this used to be done by his step-father, patti also has has been through a string of relationships where the 'feeder/gainer model' made her feel safe and comfortable...richard says at one point that his mother 'doesn't feel comfortable with anyone else... you get resentful sometimes, but she needs me, you can't do anything about it.'

patti also admits that immobility is not what she wants, but that it's what the men who use her site want from her,  and i think this is where i start to get a bit uncomfortable, because as spike says, this is not really 'her' fetish, it's the men want her bigger and more immobile... no, richard should not have to care for his mum in this way, but what can he do if she won't let anyone else do it? i felt very sorry for him. the poor boy.

at one point the doc maker asks patti about her bed-sores, assuming that the men using her site would not want to know about that aspect of her size, but she tells him that yes, they do want to know about them,  and this i do find disturbing. (i've got a boy at home that can't resist a big booty, but not to the point where he gets satisfaction from someone who is wheezy, can't move and has open sores purely due to their weight!)

patti says that this is her 'choice' at the beginning of the program, but towards the end she admits that her fat was 'like a suit of armour and made her feel safe and comfortable', but at her current size and immobility, she now feels vunerable because she cannot do the smallest things for herself, like cut her toenails, and 'if she could turn back time, she probably wouldn't have done this.'

this was followed by 6 weeks of housebound-ness. when she finally felt able to go out again, her only transport is the wheelchair her son has to push. she's terrified of being outside again and when they arrive at the restaurant, she eats her lunch off a bin with a tablecloth over it in the parking lot, at this point i did have a little cry because it was so desperatley sad that she obviously had to eat outside because she couldn't get into the place.

in my opinion, patti's case is different from that of renee and matt and wes and kit. in both of those relationships, while they might make me feel personally uncomfortable, i do think they are actually not any different form of other consensual relationships.

i think when you're that size that patti is, then  altering your lifestyle is extremely hard and very difficult to do without equipment, support and care, it may even involve surgery, so how does she support herself when her income is based around her size?

she certainly isn't fit enough to do any other work now, and at approx $200 an hour for web-chats and 'squashing' sessions at approx $400-$600... that's not really a lot of money, i don't see her earning enough to take a year off to get to a healthier size, and i doubt welfare is where she wants to be.

so while i feel very sorry for both patti and her son, richard, there are much more things going on here than patty 'forcing' her son to care for her, she's obviously very depressed and upset about richard having to to this for her, but too scared to let anybody else do it.

some people might call that selfishness, i'd call it fear, depression, and a sense of lonliness and faliure... and we ought to cut the poor woman some slack and give richard a damned medal!

 



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Mookish Deity Most High

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I didn't mean to come across like I thought she should just change everything and it's really easy. I meant things like changes to her diet although that alone won't make her healthy. I also forget that America doesn't have free health-care.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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sorry, i came across a bit harsh, but that ending scene where she's having to eat off that bin in the parking lot... just broke my heart.

even over here people who do loose weight, either through their own strength of will, or surgery also have to deal with the excess skin issue afterwards, and that isn't always available on the nhs due to our postcode healthcare lottery and the fact it doesn't come very high up the priority list, even though mentally, the sagging skin around your belly, arms and legs causes just as much of a problem as the weight you were carrying before.

it must be hard enough dealing with the weight, the excess skin must seem like a slap in the face if you can't afford the surgery to get rid of it.

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I basically agree with Lady Carfax, most of the people in that doc were superfine and y'know, do whatever you like with your body/sexuality, but Patti...that just made me sad. It was the bit when she was getting off the bed for me, I couldn't cope with how she couldn't manage it.

Part of me can't help being a bit annoyed that it was made in the first place. It's like fat girls are either reviled or fetishised. Can't my body fit in somewhere between disgusting and jizz-worthy?

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Mookish Deity Most High

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Indigo Empress wrote:

Are the health complications and risks really worth huge weight gain solely for fetish purposes?



-- Edited by weetabexx on Tuesday 22nd of May 2012 10:31:07 PM


 Thank you that's JUST what I wan thinking. Obviously it's her body and her business, but am I the only one that thinks it's a bit callous to throw away your health like that? I know that sounds a bit judgemental, I just value my health very highly and would like to think a lot of other people do too...

And personally I think the whole child-dependancy thing is incredibly cruel and unfair, and personally I think it's not far off from neglect!



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Mookish Deity Most High

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He's not a child, he's an adult.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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Spikeyfaerie wrote:

He's not a child, he's an adult.


 You're seriously not suggesting that a parent can't neglect their child JUST because their child is grown up, are you??

Okay yeah you know what, I can't be involved in this conversation anymore.



-- Edited by MissChris on Tuesday 29th of May 2012 12:20:55 AM

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Honoured Mook

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^ They can, but adults should be able to make their own decisions and take care of themselves - meaning he should be able to get himself out of the situation if he feels it is necessary.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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^I agree that he has to make the call on whether it's worth it, but I do still think it's pretty selfish of his mom. It's hard to just up and leave your parents even if the mess they're in is partially their own fault. Not saying I disagree with you, just that it must be a very difficult decision to make when you're placed in that position.

I also feel bad for the lady though. Seems like it's a case of needing help and being unable to get it and being stuck in the cycle, but I agree she could start by making some minor changes.

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Yes, it would definitely be a difficult decision, and it is quite self-centered of his parent to do that to her son. My point was merely that he was more capable of removing himself from the picture than a child would be.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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I agree with MissChris's basic point there. She's (unintentionally) making him feel like he needs to support her as she doesn't trust anyone else and can't do for herself. I'm not condemning her for that, but it's going to be hard for him to get away from the mindsey of his mother being unable to cope without him, even at the cost of his own happiness. Just as she can't turn off eating, he can't turn off caring for her.

It is wrong that he's been put into a situation where he feels this responsibility for his mother, yes. No, it's not negligence with intent or anything malicious, but it would still be considered neglect were he underage, and so it's similar for an adult. Yes, he can look after himself so he's not a child with a dependant adult, and yes he could in theory walk away and persue his own life.

Basically, I see what you're all saying here. Patti and her son are both two sad examples of a fetish gone wrong. It's supposed to bring pleasure but it clearly isn't here.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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I never said that it wasn't neglect simply because he's an adult. I was simply saying that he's not a child in the sense of his age, he's an adult. Of course you can be neglectful, abusive and everything else regardless of someone's age.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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^Oh no, I agree, but I get where Chris is coming from. You're emotionally tied to your parents and it seems a bit manipulative to me that this lady's taking advantage of her son's love for her. I hope she can reach a point someday soon where she's able to care for herself, for the sake of both her son's happiness and her own. It would be sad to see her left without anyone to care for her, unfortunate as it may be that she's in the position where she needs that.

Oops, directed at Spry. Topic is moving too quickly for me to keep up with! :)

-- Edited by soundsofdentage on Tuesday 29th of May 2012 12:40:49 AM

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Mookish Deity Most High

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I'm not sure if it's manipulative in the way I understand the definition of manipulation - if she intentionally refused to have anyone else look after her - but obviously she has problems that affect her mentally so the anxiety means she doesn't trust other people to look after her. I do think that she should have considered her future care long before she got to the stage of being so incapacitated but, as with everything in life, hindsight is a fantastic thing. I'm sure she's aware of just how much her son does for her, I would even go so far as to guess that part of her anxiety and whatnot is due to her feeling so bad for being such a burden. She came across as a genuine person who's just made some really bad decisions.

 

EDIT: My "adult, not child" post was also meant as a clarification for anyone who hadn't watched the programme in case they assumed that the reference to him as her child meant he was a minor.



-- Edited by Spikeyfaerie on Tuesday 29th of May 2012 12:50:50 AM

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Mookish Deity Most High

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i will agree that richards plight is very hard to watch, you see him at one point saying 'it's like looking after a baby' and you can almost see the sadness when he realises that there is no one but him and her, and he's probably going to be there until his mums too ill to be at home anymore or dies

her punters are not there to help her clean herself, toilet, move from one room to another, they just want to see her bedbound, fat and compliant. She herself, despite having a career being based on her size, does not want to get any bigger or to be tended to by a 'professional 'carer', (probably because she's emabarassed and socially isolated. pixellated punters don't count as 'friends and contacts', that's work, it's not even fun fetish anymore) She looked very uncomfortably squashing her client, i've seen some squash vids and they you can tell the ladies are getting a kick out of it. i think for patti, the fun isn't in her fetish anymore, but she's trapped by her health and economic status and unable to change the situation.

no child should have to be a carer for their parent, but an lot are :
 http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-11757907

as to the original question: 'Are the health complications and risks really worth huge weight gain solely for fetish purposes?

'i suppose it depends on your kink. for some people, both feeders and gainers alike, it's about a balancing act between what is achievable and healthy and what is the fantasy, like any fetish, it is 'play', it's just some play's riskier than others.

t/w torture/cutting/bdsm

 

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Mookish Deity Most High

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Maybe calling it manipulation was harsh, I've been a bit stuck on the idea that she shouldn't have reached this point at all but as you say, hindsight's a fantastic thing, and thinking like that is probably a bit unfair. She definitely needs to take some steps to get better, but I understand she must feel kind of overwhelmed by it all and change doesn't happen overnight in any event. I do hope it's something she'll work on though, I wouldn't like to see her left by herself but her son also needs a life and I'm afraid it might end up that way, which would be sad for both of them.

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Mookish Deity Most High

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In the case of the girls that were doing it for their own personal enjoyment/ fetishes, then whatever floast their boat. They know that it could be dangerous and they know the health implications that come with that sort of weight increase, and if they've considered these things and have decided to go ahead with it, then that's fair enough. The only thing that does concern me though, is that, is it fair in countries with free health care? If they knew the risks and decided to do it anyway, should they get free medical treatment to deal with it? I'm still undecided on that.

I think Patti's case is entirely different though. She put on weight after her first marriage failed, so I'm assuming she turned to comfort eating to deal with her emotions at that point. She then found men that were into larger women and I get the impression her intended weight gain fron that point was out of insecurity, she wanted to be loved, and at the time it seemed like that was how to go about it.

She then spotted a business opportunity, and I don't think she fully understood how easy it would be to spiral to the point of almost immobility and a complete lack of independence.
Yes it's not fair on her son, but it's not something she intended to do, and it's not something she's proud of. It's a bad situation for all involved, but I don't think it was necessarily anyone's fault, but it's sad that there's definitely no easy way out, and from what I've seen I don't really expect her to improve her situation, which is a bit upsetting really.

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Runic Mook of the North (mod)

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Inky wrote:

In the case of the girls that were doing it for their own personal enjoyment/ fetishes, then whatever floast their boat. They know that it could be dangerous and they know the health implications that come with that sort of weight increase, and if they've considered these things and have decided to go ahead with it, then that's fair enough. The only thing that does concern me though, is that, is it fair in countries with free health care? If they knew the risks and decided to do it anyway, should they get free medical treatment to deal with it? I'm still undecided on that.



 Pretty much everyone else is, so why shouldn't they? By this logic, people who break their leg falling off a bike shouldn't get free health care, smokers with lung cancer shouldn't get free health care, people who don't dress well when going out in the cold and get bronchitis shouldn't get free health care, people who work in a stressful envionment to build their career and get mental problems and heart attcahs shouldn't get free health care ad nauseam. 

 

The way I see it, free health care isn't about what people deserve, it's about helping people because they need it. Why they need help is completely irrelevant. Free health care is also about creating a well functioning society and ensure freedom for the individual. Without free health care, not only the sick themselves will suffer but also other people who in no way can be blamed for the situation -because without free healthcare the burden of caring for the ill falls on the family.

The way I see it, denying anyone the health care they need because they have put themselves at risk is not morally justifiable.

 

I also want to add that being overweight does not necessarily mean that your health is bad or will ever be worse than other people's health. An increased risk is not the same as destiny. Also there are a lot of other factors influencing your health, as for example amount of exercise, diet, stress levels, inheritance and so on.



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It's the same as starving to fit the "beautiful" ideal. It's altering your body to fit in with what someone else wants to you to be. If you do it for yourself, then most would say that as long as it's not extreme or unhealthy then it's all free and easy. I don't feel comfortable talking about this for fear of being jumped on, really, but I'll say it anyway; morbid obesity and anorexia (to use two extreme ends of the spectrum) are often a psychological protection mechanism of some sort. It's just that anorexia receives that hushed, slightly awe-struck mixture of fear, pity and envy, whereas morbid obesity seems to be reacted to with pity and disgust. Perhaps I'm way off topic, but the sites that exist that cater to extremely thin women (thinner than run-of-the-mill at walk models) are the same as those that cater for obese women; men getting their kicks from different thins, and women willing to cater for that, whatever the health risks, for whatever their personal reasons. The whole thing seems really rather sick to me.

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