I've been building up to tell somebody for a long time. I mean, I don't want to come over all over-the-top about it or whatever. It's just I'm not sure how much more of this I can take without cracking him or breaking down.

So here's the deal. My brother (henceforth The Bro) is a complete pervert and it's making me feel gross. It started earlier this year when we went on holiday to Spain. I've slimmed down a lot and developed, if ya know what I mean. So I tried on this swimming costume and went downstairs into the apartment living room. It was a bit skimpy, but not too bad. But The Bro just stared at me in this creey way and wouldn't stop. It made me feel so uncomfortable I changed into a different costume.

Now that isn't so bad. But ever since that day things have gotten progressively worse. At the start, he just looked at my chest and waggled his tongue around lewdly. Then one day something truly disgusting happened (Alex, I've told you about this). I was in the bathroom, taking my time, and when I came out I saw his bedroom door was open and the light was on. Mum goes crazy about lights, so I went over to turn it off. I honestly didn't know The Bro was there. But he was standing right there inside the doorway, hands down his pants, staring at me. Like he was waiting for me to come out. So I just blurted out, 'You're sick!' And the reply wasn't 'Why?' or 'Sorry.' Oh no. It was 'I know'. Then he sidled past me and went into the bathroom.

It left me feeling dirty for the next couple of days. Now he's started doing the eye thing everytime I walk into the room and licking his lips/waggling his tongue. Today, though, he really crossed the line. I walked past the computer room on the way to grab some towels to dry my hair after dying it. He burst out, hysterically said spying on him, and watched me walking downstairs. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him putting his hands down his pants- not trying to hide it or anything. I told him I'd call the police on him some day. He pretended not to hear.

I don't know what to do. My family is so fucked up. Some of you, who've read the secrets thread, will know what happened to me in the past. I really don't need this in my life. And I can't tell my mother, because she didn't help with the last fiasco.

Well, I'm not even sure whether this is normal or not. I just know it makes me feel sick and dirty. (I'm not even the first girl he's been pervy with. He got in big trouble at school once for approaching some girl and saying 'I feel horny'.) So what should I do? I'm so miserable and confused :(

Is your brother younger or older?
This sounds really weird, do tell your mum.
*Hug*
I mean he's your brother ... it's just wrong ...

Rachel love, that's awful. It's not normal, and you should have no reason to feel sick or dirty around your own family- but clearly, your brother is giving you perfectly good reason.

I can't think of much to do about it, I'm sorry, except perhaps fitting locks on your bedroom door and the bathroom door. It's not right and you need to tell someone of a higher authority than us mooks.


*MASSIVE TOASTY HUGS*

-- Edited by Victoryxx on Tuesday 10th of November 2009 10:47:27 PM

SophiesInsanity wrote:

---

Is your brother younger or older?
This sounds really weird, do tell your mum.
*Hug*
I mean he's your brother ... it's just wrong ...

---

He's seventeen, I'm fourteen.

And Vic- I've asked Mum for a lock on my bedroom door but she claims I don't need one since I apparently 'never go in there'. I pointed out that I needed my privacy but she just ignored me :(

 

He definitely should know better!

If he was younger itt'd e put down to not knowing better but as he's that old he should be put down himself.

*Hug* - that's really odd.
Tell your mum, it's better than not telling her, it's really weird ... I feel for you babe.
But you need to talk to someone about it cos stuff can't go on like that. He's nearly an adult and he's doing this.

If you can't talk to your mum is there anyone else in your family that you're close to that would maybe understand at all?
Even a teacher?

You shouldn't have to feel so apprehensive and scared in your own home, and his behaviour is definetly not normal for a brother sister realtionship.

You should be able feel comfortable in your own home love.

*massive squide-age*.
I'm so sorry that I can't offer much in terms of advice, but I hope you're okay.


EDIT: Major typo, I meant to say shouldn't, not should. It's fixed now. It's all okay.
Love, love, love.

-- Edited by Capulet on Tuesday 10th of November 2009 11:17:26 PM

SophiesInsanity- I know, but I'm not sure how to bring it up with him. Usually when I try to confront him, he either pretends he can't hear or that he doesn't know what I'm talking about. He knows alright. He just doens't want me to be able to pull him up about it.

Capulet- Thanks, I'm glad you understand. I'm really paranoid that I'm just being stupid, but now you've made me see it isn't normal at all.

-- Edited by Lady Misery on Tuesday 10th of November 2009 11:01:44 PM

*huge hugs* You're not being stupid or anything of the sort. What he is doing is wrong and needs to be stopped.
My tip is to buy a lock anyway or even a door alarm (it goes off when the door is opened and fairly cheap). Then talk to a adult you trust or childline. It may feel strange talking about your family badly but it's better to get help now.
I really hope things improve *hugs tight again* We're here if you need us.

I'm sorry you can't feel comfortable in your own home, it's terrible. You should definitely tell your mum and ask her to have a word with him because what he's doing is unacceptable. He's your BROTHER, and shouldn't be making you feel dirty and awkward. Have you ever told your mum why you want a lock? If not you should, just for peace of mind.
*loads of hugs* x
I'm here if you ever need a chat.

I thought he was younger from the way he was acting. Little kids sometimes aren't aware they are being sexual or doing something sexual. This isn't normal and that's not healthy behaviour for a 17 year old to act like that to his sister. Tell someone. You have the right to feel safe in your own home. I'm a PM away darling if you need to vent and I'll try my best at advice.

this is gonna sound bad but were you too ever close? sibling wise? becasue if so you could as a last attempt before telling someone ask him what his problem is? I doubt he thinks it's normal either but if hes too far gone to connect with on a human scale I'd say, say it to maybe a teacher/aunt/cousin your close to?

Awww honeybee.
You certainly shouldn't be made to feel like that. Are you absolutely certain he isn't taking the piss, 17 year old boys are odd creatures. Although saying that, even if he's doing it because he thinks it's funny to make you feel uncomfortable and nothing more its still not on.
Is there anyone else you can talk to about this?
The best way to deal with stuff like this is to let him think you aren't afraid or uncomfortable, even if you are. A look that says "Oh grow up" masks how you really feel.

Next time he does it give him a swift kick in the balls and see whether he pretends not to hear you then...

Seriously though, whether he's just doing it cos he thinks it's funny or for some other reason he has no right to make you feel uncomfortable or dirty. If he's already in trouble at school then the best people to speak to might be the people involved with disciplining him at school. If not, your guidance teacher or just a female teacher you feel you can talk to.

I have to agree with the above- tell someone. Maybe an Aunt or someone, if you don't want to take it out of the family. Or an older sister or diffrent brother if you have one. Also, how close is your brother to 18? If he's leagly an adult, diffrent action might be taken.

You said that your Mom won't let you get a lock on your door- maybe you could get one of those locks that you put at the top of your door. One peice attaches to the wall, and the other to the door, and they just hook together. Your Mom might not notice it? At least then you could feel a bit more comfortable.

I hope things get better *hugs*

I don't mean to pry too much, but is there any chance of him being sexually abused as a younger kid? His behavior sounds strikingly like someone who was introduced to sex much too early in their life. Maybe a family member? It would make the most sense if he really is this interested in you in this way.

That is just wrong. Ive had to walk infront of my brothers in my underwear before but it never bothered me because I knew they would never look at me that way. I can't believe your mum wasnt bothered when you told her before. You need to sit her down and explain how bad he's got, you shouldnt have to put up with that at all. And then explain that if she doesnt take you seriously and his behavior stops then you will tell the police, a social worker, whoever that can sort this out for you. And dont feel embarrassed or whatever, its not your fault.

Cultural taboo aside, the behaviour is clearly unwanted and he should respect you enough to squash all such feelings. Sounds like he might need some professional help.

Don't feel dirty, this is not your fault.

I suppose all the the good advice is given here already, I just feel like giving you a big comforting hug while slapping him around the ears with a flyswatter.

I went back through  the secrets thread to get a better understanding of everything. I really think there is a valid possibility that your brother may also have been sexually abused/molested. His behavior speaks volumes to that effect and knowing there is someone in the family who has molested only helps to confirm it.

I would suggest being careful as you're treading on thin ice, if this is the case. Victims of molestation often feel it might have been their fault for what happened. After all, it's very hard for anyone to understand what happened and feel like it makes sense. Mainly, because it never makes sense. The closest people can get to a logical reason is to feel that they were the one who brought it on themselves. As they get older, many victims will become heavily sexualized and incest is definitely a part of it. Especially if it was a family member who began this vicious cycle to begin with. Depression, increased aggression, change in weight, change in schoolwork and more are all signs of sexual abuse. If this sounds at all like your brother, you may want to consider your options taking into account that he may also be a victim.

Please take care, this situation is not something that is going to be easy. If you need anyone to talk to, I am always available and I'm a pretty good listened. Although, I'm not always good with fluffing words and I can be pretty blunt at times.

No babe, you aren't being stupid. I think any girl would find this sort of behaviour horrible if it came from any man they didn't want it to- so let alone it's your brother. I can't imagine how you feel at home, I hope it gets better. But, in the meantime, you do need to talk to your mum about this because it's totally unacceptable behaviour and not only could he get in trouble for harrassing a young girl, you're also under 16 and he's your brother. So to stop anything going any further I really think you need to have a long chat with your mum, over some tea or something. Also, I'd go and find a free counsellor to talk to. We have some at college that are free, so you might have some at your school, but if you don't please contact the samaritans, they're brilliant. I hope everything gets better Rachel x

I agree pretty much with everyone else, this isn't normal and it sounds like it's only escalating into more horrifying territory.

I suggest taking some action yourself on this. Get a small chain lock and install it inside your door at a time when you're home alone (takes longer for the 'rents to notice it's there then) if it'll make your feel more secure. They also make small alarms that fit onto regular doorways that you can switch on and off at will and goes off the moment the door begins to open. That way if you do get screwed out of having a lock, you have a way of scaring him off if he ever does try to sneak his way into your room while you're sleeping or something--and can alert the rest of the house to his bullshit.

If you do work up to telling your mother and she doesn't believe you, I suggest finding an adult outside of the house you can confide in who would know what would have to happen next. Maybe a school counselor or a teacher you trust? This is something that shouldn't remain behind closed doors if it doesn't have to.

EDIT--Also, get a knife and start learning how to use it. Or see if you can't take some defense classes, at least. I didn't like the idea of brandishing weapons at people about to attack me, but it has gotten me out of one or two sticky spots in the past years.

-- Edited by Izil on Wednesday 11th of November 2009 01:26:12 PM

The first thing you need to know, as everyone else has said:
It is NOT your fault.
It is quite likely that there are underlying trauma's behind his behaviour.
But that does not make it okay.
You need to talk to your mum, if it doesn't work, speak to a counsellor. If you ask them to keep it anonymous they have to, unless you are in any danger. However, they might think that you are in danger so be careful.
Ofcourse, maybe it is better that it comes out. For your safety, and also because he may be given help.
If he goes any further, speak to the relevant authorities.
Childline, school therapist [they will take action], police.
If you need to talk, my PMbox is always open. xxxx

Thanks for all your support. I will be using you advice and ideas as soon as I possibly can, and I just want to say I'm glad you care. It's taken a huge weight off my mind.

I think I should tell you a bit about my brother. Some of you have been wondering if he was ever abused in a similar way to me, or if we were ever too close. You're right to wonder and I'm not surprised this has come up but no, neither of this things are true. The Bro was never close enough to my cousin for him to be abused. In fact, he rarely left my parent's side before this year. He is socially awkward and insecure, has never had a girlfriend, and goes unpredictable temper tantrums. Even now as a seventeen year old. He is also, unfortunately, very intelligent and sly.

My parents have both admitted that he is extremely manipulative (he was born with Hunters MPS disease, but he is one of the only know recorded cases of a male who has not contracted any of the symptoms. It doesn't affect him in anyway. He's more like a vector for it, really, but since his teachers know he has it he uses it to his advantage by pretending it has an effect on his behaviour. This is why he got away with harrassing the girl that time). But knowing what he's like, my parents kept him on a fairly close reign. This is why I'm sure he has never been abused.

We've never been close sexually. The idea repulses me, even to the extent that I've started having nightmares about it (seriously. I had one a couple of nights ago and it knocked me sick). So it's not like I've ever led him on or anything. I suppose he thinks that since I'm his sister I won't call the police or anything if he moves in on me. I can't see him forcing me to do anything, he's not wired that way. He just gropes or whatever when nobody's looking. Last time he did it I slapped him and I got in trouble for it. Next time, I'll take Spikeyfaerie's advice and kick him.

So that's the rundown on him. And before anyone asks (and I'll understand if you think that, considering his disability) he knows exactly what he's up to. He takes psychology in college and is like everybody else. Just more perverted. I'm honestly crossing my fingers that this doesn't get any worse but if it does I promise I'll do something about it xxx

Thank you for your help.

Hopefully he'll stop soon, but as soon as he does anything again you have to tell someone. It may escalate as he can see he's getting away with the behaviour. Look at the length of the responses! Just shows how much everyone here is behind you and hoping you fond a solution soon. We love you Lady M!

Well he sohuldnt be using that as an excuse to be a complete wanker. And as for groping you when no one is looking? I'd twat him one as well, and Im surprised your mum told you off for it considering what he was doing. And it's giving you nightmares? Im glad you'll do something about it if it gets worse, but seriously, if it was anyone else you would have done something about it before now. Don't go easy on him just because he's your brother.

There's been so much good advice already I don't know what to add. :/

Firstly, you absolutely shouldn't feel guilty for something he's doing. It's his problem, not yours.

Secondly, you need to tell someone, because although Mookychick is a great place for advice, what you need now is an adult taking action. If you're scared about telling your parents then I'd recomend Childline: they have a lot of experience in dealing with situations like this.

Thirdly, it sounds like a horrible situation that no one should ever have to go through, especially not at fourteen. I hope things get better for you soon.

I know everyone has given good advice already, but you shouldn't feel bad about this because it's him who is in the wrong, not you!
You should talk to your mum about it when you get chance, and perhaps try to avoid your brother until she's perhaps spoken to him.
I hope all gets better soon!

i will give you the same advice i was given a few years ago (not regarding my brother but a friend) if he trys to touch you again scream as loud as you can it will make him shit himself and your mum will want to know why your screaming. agian if you need any help just pm me

Well, then he is just a preverted asshole who does deserved to be kicked.

Seems like you have a couple of options to me. The first would be talking to your parents, but it doesn't sound like it will help too much. Second would be to hurt him if he does it again. Personally, that's what I would do. It sounds like he operates on a mental level with people. fighting his battles by using a mental illness as an excuse for his poor behavior and being manipulative. So, reacting with something physical may be something he'd rather not deal with. Even if your parents get upset, it would seem a better situation than having to put up with his perviness. Third would be to call attention to his behavior like blizzard of oz said. Scream and let whomever is nearby know that he's doing it again. If he gets at all embarrassed, it may help.

Next time you catch him, laugh as loud as you can in his face & tell him only freaks masturbate over their sister.

That'll piss him off.