First off, I need to apologise massively for not being around more often recently. Sadly, real life has a way of getting in the way at the moment, and to be honest I'm rarely on the computer for long enough to be properly involved in the community. So first of all, I'm really sorry for being so useless, and thanks to everyone who left messages on my board checking up on me - much appreciated *hugs*
Secondly, I'm struggling a lot this year. It's not even work: I can deal with work. I like being busy, I'm quite a pro-active person and I love this subject, which makes it easier. However, everything else is so much more difficult this year. I'm living with five of my closest friends, which should be awesome, but it's actually just tiring. I have zilch privacy, and Ive had to work my arse off in order to get my personal space respected. I went home on the spur of the moment a few weeks ago, leaving my clean washing-up in the drying rack and the door of my room closed (they dont lock). When I got back after a few days, all my crockery and cutlery was dirty, and people had rifled through my DVDs. I completely lost it and had a bit of a rant because I was so angry, and theyve been okay about it since, but how shitty do things have to be that I needed to have the rant in the first place?
Similarly, the place is a tip. I am apparently the only person capable of cleaning a bathroom or a kitchen, which exhausts me. I hate having to clear up everyone elses crap just so that I can cook. Weve had washing-up left undone for so long that its grown mould: things in our fridge have grown mould from people just being entirely unbothered. Theres Pot Noodle packaging in our lounge thats been there for about a week. Why am I the only one who cares about this stuff? And why do I have to nag people endlessly until they do it?
Theres a (not totally untrue) perception that Im stinkingly rich. Im not, but I have money in my account besides my student loan, my parents pay for my accommodation and I dont have an overdraft because the balance never gets that low. However, this doesnt mean that I will pay for other people, let people freeload off of me and act like Im not allowed to worry about money. Some people in my house have literally no money, and yet they continually spend massive amounts of money on expensive meals, going to the pub all the time and endless Amazon orders. I dislike people getting on my case for having money, when I spend so little of it on unnecessary things.
The worst thing, however, is that everyones become very very personal and invasive. Its all very gossipy as a house, but one girl in particular is really awful. For the love of god, every time the gay or bi guys get drunk, she asks them what positions they prefer sexually, and she asked me if someone was out to his sister in front of his sister. (He wasn't.) She completely fails to see how that's a problem. I can't trust her at all. Last night my friend pulled, and when we got to the top of the stairs to go to sleep, she made a crack about how (its his birthday) shed go down and wish him a happy birthday, knowing full well that hes there with someone. I told her to shut up Im sick of this gossiping and lack of privacy and she slammed the door on me, getting very offended and passive-aggressive. I really dislike this girl now that Im living with her: she wants to be completely involved in everyones lives. She seems to be very threatened by me (I went out with her boyfriend, and Im probably closer to everyone than she is), and yet she copies me in so many things. Its very pressuring, always having to worry about not only what you do, but the way you do it because if you do it in any way thats strange to her, shell comment on it and gossip about it the second youre out of the room. Shes made a few cracks about my brother and I: yes, we are close, yes I do talk to him a lot, but hes doing a Classics degree, so am I, it makes sense that we talk about work a lot. She makes me very defensive, and I dont like feeling like I cant come home drunk because shell make a lot of barbed comments about it. I am not the worst drinker in the house in fact Im one of the best but its still pressuring.
Lastly, as I said, my friend pulled last night as we went out for his birthday. Not an issue, but Im beginning to realise that I personally am not very interested in relationships. I wouldnt go as far as to describe myself as asexual, but Im a very independent person, and I need my own space to the extent that I dont really enjoy relationships just for the sake of them. At the moment, Im happy to be single. However, since everyones hooking up, certain people seem to be very annoyed by the fact that I dont want to be fucking anything that moves. Its my business, but everyones very pushy about it. Id quite like to have one fucking conversation that doesnt focus on sex or relationships for once it is NOT the only thing on the planet. Based on the lack of privacy and gossip issues, I couldnt bear to bring someone back here anyway. But this is my choice, not some terrible personal issue. I dont need everyone in my business.
Last year I never went back home during the term because I was having so much fun. By the end of this term Ill have gone back home four times. Some of this is logical birthdays, gigs, etc. but I actually crave going back home because Ill have a house full of adults to deal with. There are days when I just cannot bear being in this house. I have no privacy and Im feeling increasingly disconnected from everyone. I occasionally actually feel like the one adult here: I deal with things like bills and internet, even after I said I wouldnt, because no-one else can. Its so exhausting, feeling like you have to be putting on a façade all the time. People actually get offended when I work in front of the TV: someone told someone else that they thought I was bragging about how much work I do.
Four words for them all: GROW. THE. FUCK. UP.
My apologies to everyone for the disappearance, and now the rant. I will actually try to be, you know, here a bit more often. Ill try and post a proper catch-up in Random Central, just to prove that not everything over the last months been total shit. It's also not everyone in the house, which I feel I should clarify, but even one person feels like it's enough to annoy me at the moment :(
