This boy is getting on my nerves. Lets call him Thespian. He's a nice enough boy that me and The Boy, hereby nick named RayBan, befriended when he moved to our school. He's lonely and avoided by most people for his quirkiness and camp ways. We managed to get him accepted into our group, it took the guys a while because they can be quite homophobic, but anywho he hangs around with us now.

Thespian was always fond of RayBan because he was one of the few people that accepted him right off the bat. And RayBan is a pretty awesome guy anyway.

We didn't see him much during the summer holidays but we hung out with him on results day. Sadly his Nan died while he was out with us and of course, hugs all round. I gave him a really long hug and so did RayBan except he obviously tried to hold on to him a bit longer than he did with me. Fair enough.

School starts again. Thespian and I start hanging out during free periods. The conversation often turns to my boyfriend. He talks about him like a twelve year old with a crush "You know what's so great about Ray..." and subtly asks me about things like how he is and what he does when we are "alone" and that kind of thing.

One lunch time we were walking back and again talking about how great my boyfriend is and he actually said "If you weren't going out with Rayban I would make a move." I told the boy and he said he feels bad whenever they are out together because he knows how much he wants him and how it's just not happening.

None of this bothered me that much. But then the voicemails and phonecalls started. He somehow always manages to call Ray's house when he's out or call his mobile when he hasn't got it. Once Thespian called and MaybeMothe-in-law picked up. She said he sounded so crushed when she told him he was out.

But now the voicemails have realy pissed me off. Theres about 3 of them at a time.
The first is him saying things along the lines of:
"Oh, you're not picking up. I suppose you're out having lots of fun with Electro and Whiskey. It's not like I have many friends to go out with so ring be back. I'm not doing much, just stuck inside. Please call me. I miss our chats."
Written out it doesn't look that bad, but the voice he uses is so pathetic and you can tell he's trying to give RayBan some guilt.

The next is Ray's dad saying "Thespian called the house a couple of times, could you call him back?"

Then the last one was so wierd.
"This is a message to Rayban from Thespian. You never pick up your phone and it's very tiresome. Call me!"
I thought it was a recorded voice at first, he sounded really creepy and then he said "call me" in the way the ditzy blonde women do in movies. Talk about contrast.

RayBan is rather freaked out. He feels guilty for never catching him when he calls and feels like a bad friend. He said about how relentless these calls are and the last one really got him down. He said "That's laying it on a bit thick. I don't know how to tell him to stop calling me so much and not sound like a bastard. I know he likes me but it's not happening and he can't see that and back off."

I feel sorry for Thespian. He had to leave all his friends from his old school and has a really horrible mother. But he acts so darn depressed and pathetic when he talks about Rayban not being there or not having anyone for himself. But just back off a bit please?

If a female friend told me they would like to make a move on my boyfriend I would go nuts. So why does he think it's ok to talk to me about him like we are two little school girls sharing a crush? I don't want to discuss my boy like that with him.

Am I overprotective or is it ok to not want my serious relationship ignored by him so he can blatantly flirt and obsess over him as if I'm not there at all?!

This went on for longer than necassary, I could have cut it down but reading is good for ya. :)

It is not okay for him to act like that with you. Just because he is a boy, doesn't mean that you have no right to feel threatened, upset, and pissed off with him drooling over your boyfriend.

If it were me, I would be getting really protective, but then I am fairly needy. However, I think that it is important to make sure than you keep talking to your boy about it, and let him know that you need reassuring from time to time that he isn't suddenly going to get his gay on with the thespian.

This kind of patheticness can be irritating too. I can completely relate to that. There is a girl who goes to the school I used to go to. She is four years below me, and she spends her whole life sending really guilt-tripping text messages to me and my friend because we are at university, like that is a personal insult to her.

Grrr, humans! I hope you feel better. Things will get better soon, or at least eventually...
xx

I know he won't suddenly get his gay on with Thespian. But I just find it kinda insulting about how he doesn't bother covering up or toning down his feelings for him when I'm around. And that laugh he does when RayBan says something mildly amusing. Urgh! It really grates me.


...
Also, on a lighter note, I'm proud I mustered the imagination to think up a couple of code names for The Boy and The Annoyance. They're staying. It's RayBan all the way now not just boring old BOY.

-- Edited by electrosexual on Monday 2nd of November 2009 09:10:43 PM

Urr, this sounds like a tricky one, I don't know how to deal with annoying people when I feel sorry for them too.

Maybe have a talk with him under four eyes, explaining that the way he acts is uncomfortable for you ?

wooah, this guy pathectic and all as he is needs to get ovrr it it's human code you don't go for your friends boyfriends he's really disrespecting you electro, and frankly he needs a kick in the arse. maybe get your boyfriend to tell him hes not interested cause if you say it you might sound like a bitch, or an outside party could be helpful .

Deary me, that is one pickle.
Well, first off you are not over-protective. Its just someone else trying to make a move on your partner (gender doesn't make a difference) and it is perfectly natural for you to be concerned.
Another thing is. On the surface Thespain is a pathetic, but I can kinda understand where he is coming from. He wasn't really "accepted" before and when you and Rayban "accepted" him he will naturally think you are both wonderful people. He probably is gay and thus he would be develop a crush on him; more because Rayban was the first guy to accept him really, not because he has an ACTUALLY crush on him (if you know what I mean)
It is a tricky situation and it does need to be handled carefully. I would say just that if you try to get others to to befriend him too then both you and Rayban can distance yourself from him.
As for the messages.... well, I would just say occasionally reply, but not to his whiney ones. He does seem to be clingy to him though. But, just gently separate yourselves from him rather than suddenly cutting all ties.
I wish you the very best. Good Luck. But, I am sure it's not going to come between you and Rayban.

*hug*

-- Edited by Glitter Eyes on Monday 2nd of November 2009 11:41:18 PM

I think Ray should tell Thespian that he's flattered that he feels that way about him, but that he is with you, and that is the way it going to stay. He should be polite, but firm (er...no innuendo intended.)
He also shouldn't be talking to you about how much he likes Ray! If it was one of your girlfriends saying that, you wouldn't be over the moon about it so why should he be able to do it?
And the calls do sound a bit weird. My advice would definitely be confrontation so that he doesn't get any mixed messages.

Whatever Thespian does, don't feel guilty about it. Your reactions are perfectly reasonable and logical. As others have said, try talking to him, both you and RayBan together. Explain that RayBan is your boyfriend and that you don't like it when Thespian starts talking about him as a potential partner. Maybe he just needs the whole situation laid out clearly in front of him. You see, my initial thought was "This chap lacks confidence." Perhaps he's doing this because he has all sorts of insecurities and wants to fit in - he thinks that lots of emotional balderdash would make him more involved in your group of friends. So I think it's crucial that you explain that you are willing to stay friends with him, provided that he stops doing what he's doing.

If he has just a tiny wee bit of brains, he should get it and start acting normally.