what did he do or say? how did he act? did he act like all he wanted was sex from the start?

and ladies, i dont want replys saying " i knew he wanted me for only sex when he dumped me the day after...." not what im looking for :P

but feel free to post!

This problem have never occurred to me, it's something I've only read about in books and seen in films.

One has to do things in the correct order: First sex and then relationship. Maybe. :)

I think alarm bells should have began ringing almost four Septembers ago when he stopped walking and held me close, stroked the sides of my arms and traced my spine with his fingers, leant in then kissed me for what felt like forever. My innocent little mind spinning and whirling around, my chest filling up with warmth...

Only to have that completely destroyed as he pulled away with a look of sheer horror and disgust on his face, "Oh my God. I am so sorry" He stepped back. "I didn't mean that. Please don't tell anyone" Pulls me into his chest. "I'm so sorry. Please don't tell anyone".

He had a girlfriend, and that was my first kiss.
Alarm bells SHOULD have went off. I should have ignored him after that. I shouldn't have kept walking home with him, I should have stopped texting and phoning. Especially since he kept kissing me, and he still had a girlfriend. Especially since he didn't want me to tell anyone.


Fast forward about two years later, in my old house, alone "Promise you wont tell anyone". That phrase again. When people did find out he denyed all knowledge.

He said he'd be with me when I turned 16. He never went near me in public. He never got rid of other girls. He was never honest. I still stayed.

I'd stay at his and he'd kiss me, speak to me, hug me. We'd sleep together and then he couldn't get rid of me quick enough. Once a week, I would stay. He'd only speak to me the night before I'd stay over.


When you're being used for sex. You KNOW that you are. You just don't want to accept it. You know that it isn't normal or conventional behaviour, but you have that ridiculous part of you saying that if you do something differently, or stick around for a while longer things will change.

When they want you for only sex, they'll begin acting like Jekyll, but they always end up being Hyde.

It's about the way they act. For example if you were too tired, he'd get moody or kinda zone you out or if he showed little or no interest in things that wouldn't effect his sex life.
May I ask why? I understand if you don't want to say.

My story is similar to Capulet's. I should have known something was wrong from the moment he first pulled me against him and kissed me, despite having a long-term girlfriend - who I was close friends with at the time - and made me promise not to tell anyone. My heart beat against his like a rabbit's.

Eventually, he let me tell people about our secret relationship, but he would refuse to associate with me around other people. He completely dominated me because I let him.

He slept with other girls, but would refuse to let me sleep with other people. He'd always find out somehow. He treated me like absolute shit for two years, but I'd still come back.

I can't even muster the energy to hate him now, after he admitted to using me and has since ceased all communication. We only have two mutual friends.

I can't say exactly when I knew for sure, but I suspect it was around the time we first had consensual sex, the day after he raped me. I couldn't fight him anymore. He was so desperate to sleep with me.

EDIT: Whoops, wrong tense there. 'Made me promise', not 'making'.

-- Edited by mikimetchi on Sunday 1st of November 2009 11:42:20 PM

It depends on your expectations. If you have needs outside of sex (romance and whatnot) and the other person is making little or no effort to meet those needs, chances are they're being selfish.

He stopped doing all the nice things boyfr usually do... (well, he never really did sweet things except for texting me in the beginning, but even the smallest amounts of sweetness fainted after a few weeks.)
He showed no interest in being together with me, and we only had time at the weekends. He showed me off as his great girlfriend on friday evenings among his friends, which I enjoyed first, because I never had experienced something similiar. But he slept through the next days when i had to work for school, and watched TV all night long without respect for the fact my week started on monday (and my lack of sleep... -.-).
If there was trouble, he started to text old affairs and female "friends" - aah, you know what >.< - and went mad when I met up with my best (male) friend R., who was the only person I could turn to in that days. He told me I was "ugly" with all my scars on my body, and that I looked like a zebra.
It took about 4 hours to drive home his ex-affair, who lived maybe 10 minutes away.
I did not even ask anymore - I just did not care. The next days  I packed up my things and went away from him. And he did  not even ask why I went home with three bags instead of one.
Of course, it also  had been my fault that i had been abused like this - i was desperately clinging to someone who treatened me like crap and i would not see it.. but well, thats just how life goes sometimes..


-- Edited by NellyMeret Lundberg on Monday 2nd of November 2009 03:45:28 PM

He expected me to sleep with him even after he'd finished me.

Luckily, I said no.

We'd been going out for a week and he was going on about all his previous girlfriends and how long it took them to put out.

I made him wait 4 months for that.

Then... he got sick of me cos I wasn't experienced, so spun me a stupid lie about moving house and we broke up. I didn't realise I'd been used until a couple of months later when I started going out with the current boyf, then realised what the word "love" actually meant.

The amount of times the user used that word.
*sniffs*

Ah well. He's history.

Well, mine's slightly different. I didn't actually have a sexual relationship with the guy but he was instigating it all the time. I really liked the guy for a couple of years, he was my shoulder to cry on etc so we got it together in November last year but he refused to make it an officail relationship because he 'didn't want to hurt me' because he was going to join the Army/Marines/Police Force or whatever shit he decided it was, so like a fool I accepted that...I've had unofficial relationships before...we fooled around, I had my first proper kiss with him and let him touch me up. Then when I got ready to sleep with him over 2 months into the 'relationship' he dumped me for some girl I knew and they've been together ever since. He used me as an inbetween relationship fling which is as bad as being a user, it hurt my feelings. He told me that he loved me, and vice versa but he just tossed me off to one side as soon as someone new and exciting came onto the scene. It's only now that I know what love is.

Another 'user' was similar but he actually was in the Army, he used me for sex a lot and very rarely took me out and introduced me to his mates, which I thought was odd as he always told me that he'd take me to see them and his family when I turned 16. He always said some pretty odd things that confused me at the time, but make complete sense now. He was 21, when I was 15. It turned out that he had fathered a child by his ex whilst we were 'together', he left me and high-tailed it back to her.....the funny thing is, it turned out not to be his child either, he's very pale and English, so is she....the child is half-Chinese. Men, eh?

It's since I've got to know Lark that I know what love is.

We never slept together; I was 14 and he was nearly 16, he was always trying to get into my pants, and he kept touching me intimately but it hurt and I didn't like it so I told him I wasn't ready. He persisted though, and I said I'd sleep with him just so he'd stop going on about it, but I backed out at the last minute because I knew that it wasn't something I wanted to do and that I'd regret it. He dumped me the next day, and bitched and moaned to all my friends about the fact that I wouldn't have sex with him.

And he looked like Jimmy Neutron. :/